No words can express:o(

sometimes my  brain cannot conjure up the right words to express...but at best all i can say is I am grateful to God.

  Today my innocent 4 yr old  took the initiative to have fun with her sister, carried her outside(which i have told her over and over never to pick up sister), then somehow managed to log her onto the trampoline.  Your 2nd worst fear just flashed into your mind and it happened...evalyn fell off the trampoline and landed on her head.

Im getting dressed in my master bath when I hear a high pitched cry....no more then a few minutes i walked out of the family room where they were playing that this happened.  I couldn't determine where the cry came from...it sounded like it echoed from the baby's monitor....so i walked across the house to the babys room.  Theres no crying(thats bad.) I jumped at the thought they were in the garage, i ran fast to open the laundry door that leads into the garage, flung open the door, no cries,...no children. 


 ....."Where ARE THEY?!" ....
 I sped across the house again when the backyard window caught my eye and i see M....just standing there next to the trampoline, starring at the ground, not moving.
 "Wheres Evy?!?!" thats when i heard some whimpers.  I opened the glass door and at this point i caught eye of evalyn, lying in the dirt, trying to sit up.  At this instant i knew what had happened.  I ran to her while trying to hold back tears and anger.

 Evalyn just looked terrible and looked like she got hit by a bus, she was dazed.  My 10 month old baby! Dazed & whimpering! Heart wrenching!!! 

 I ran to her as she caught sight of me she just started to cry with this look in her eye..."mommy, hold me." I can't describe it...shes only 10 months but i could just see what she was feeling. 

 I think back at it now and know why i heard 1 high-pitched cry and silence after that...it was probably because she got the wind knocked out of her.  That just breaks my heart. 
I just held her and let her cry, looked in her eyes to see any signs of neurological problems....and waited for her to vomit or get sleepy...but she didn't. THANK HEAVENS!  I knew she was spared and that she was meant to live another day...an angel was watching over her.  I asked M as i grabbed evy what had happened and she confirmed my fear.  I tried so hard to hold back my natural reaction and barely handled a firm reiteration to "NEVER pick up sister." 

Im so so SO grateful to heavenly father and thanked him over again.  I love my kids more than life and would just die if i ever had one taken from me.  I don't ever want to know the feeling.
 

 Tonight after i got back from a my sisters dinner out, I crept in and checked on her.  She is such an angel, especially when she sleeps.  checked to feel her chest rise and fall. Relief is up there with one of the BEST emotions a human can feel and Gratitude IS the Best.

-aezra

Love / Hate relationships

thoughts tugging on my emotions lately:

I love my home- I hate how its constantly unkept
 I love my easy girls, i do-I hate that I can't be selfish with my time.
 I love my life-I hate that I can't run it efficiently
 I love my 4 year old-i hate that I don't know how to disipline her
I love to cook- I hate that i never have every ingredient required
I love that we have a good car- i hate that we don't have two
 I love my husband- i hate i can't compete as a wife
 I love being a mother- I hate( how do i word this correctly???)..theres no textbook on how to be a "good" one
 I love my washer and dryer- I hate that I suck at doing laundry
 I love my backyard- I hate that theres no room to plant fruit trees.
 ..and the list goes on...............

 I know and fully understand that these are measely problems...but these are my Goliths and they weigh me down daily. There are worse trials.  I constantly remind myself my life isn't half so bad and i have much to be grateful for.    From now on i will try often to recall the words from the hymn
" Count your blessings"
             ..."Count your many blessings, and your doubt will fly
                        ...and you'll keep on singing as the days go by"

             ..."Count your many blessings, name them one by one,...
                  count your many blessings see what God hath done."

             ..."Count your many blessings, Angels will attend...
                 help and comfort give you till your journey's end."

-aezra