This little one is stubborn.
A few days ago I had a moment and then late towards the hours of 10pm I started to get some strong contractions. Let me just say now that they were coming more and stronger however, I was still able to move and talk.(which should have been a dead give away) But this is me here, an elephant, desperate, jogging in my own house in the early hours, angry ma ma bear! I just want her out! I will do WHATEVER it takes! and then on the other hand I also want her to come when she is ready.(when in the back of my head im secretly willing her to come out)
So its now 12am. There I try to remain calm and lie down in my bed. Sean is already asleep and I don't want to disturb him with my painful moans. I start to count sheep in my head trying to pass the pain and succeed to Sleepland. Of course, @ 2am i am woken by the (now getting stronger) contractions. Thought it was amazing i slept through anything at all.
I
Called up Nancy and told her it was time. She packed up and was at our house close to 4am. I remember her coming through the front door and shooting me questioning looks like "You're in labor? really?"
I ignored them cause I was just hoping so badly that this was it even if that meant i wouldn't have her till that night.
So there we are, He: getting the car packed to the rim with everything a prego ever needed in a hospital. Her: ever so elated for this day to have finally come and eagerly breathing through the pain. Before this point I had already taken the liberty to call my mother to let her know of the situation.(in case she wanted to come to the birth i guess.) And now I felt like every piece was in place...all I lack now is a baby..."Oh Please, Father, let this be it!"
As were driving to the Hospital in the dark cold hours of winter's morning, I held Sean's big plastic cup in my hand containing ice chunks for me to nibble on. We held hands. It was a nice drive...almost too nice. It was then that I had a flicker of a thought that this might not be it. But i swiftly pushed that thought aside and prayed to the Father that she would come today and told my body "keep em' comin'!" It came to my realization that the contractions were getting further and further apart while being less painful. But I had already convinced myself that even if she wasn't coming during the day...she'll surely be here by night. So I allowed Sean to think we were still having this baby today. We went through all the motions: sat and registered in, got ourselves a curtain room, got into a gown, strapped monitors onto my belly, and waited out the contractions. But as we waited... the contractions were still present and some were definitely stronger than others.... so we very well could be having this baby today...it was kinda up in the air at this point.
They wheeled me into a different room because the one we were put in didn't have a working computer. I didnt like this room-it had no window and it was half the size of the first, and the lighting made me feel uneasy...i didn't like it one bit. The nurse comes in and gets some info from us and starts the monitoring process. After 45 minutes she comes back in. She and I kinda already know what shes about to say. But I swallowed in hopes that something...just maybe something would have caught her attention and that i needed to stay and continued to be monitored. But it was inevitable. The contractions were undeniably there but they were decreasing in time and strength. I watched the monitor tell of my fate with the hills getting smaller and smaller. she shrugged and said it just wasn't enough. Perhaps waiting it out at home was a better option.
I looked over at Sean with pending tears in my eyes and a hard lump manifesting in my throat as the nurse left the room to dismiss us. I didn't want to fathom that right now just wasn't the time, let alone the day for Her arrival. It just sucks! Not only are you physically preparing for a little human to come into this world but you are also mentally preparing yourself to see that new baby in your arms. And to know that that reality was no more, it put quite a damper in my spirits.
I remember us pulling out of the hospital, turning at the light and getting onto the freeway heading with my head hung low, with no baby to show, back home. Sean tried to give me words of love and hope and I thank him for that but it just was fact and now i had to force myself to rewind. Rewind back to the pregnant women who sticks out-to-here and its just us three. The fact: no baby coming today, because by the time we reached home, the contractions were no more.
So, in the end, it was all a "false alarm"
