and Jill came tumbling after...

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water...yada yada..yada...I've read that story to Emm over and over again. Yesterday I sure felt the meaning of that rhyme. Be aware, I am making this a journal entry. Heres the story:

Its 9am when Emmery wakes up. I get her out and she runs around up stairs while I check on a few things on the computer. 'Round 9:40ish I decided it was time for Em and I to have breakfast...so I put some pants on(thank the Heavens), picked up Emmery and headed down the stairs...at a slow pace as I usually do while holding Em. I was near the bottom when all of a sudden my sock im wearing failed to grip the edge of the step. As in any cartoon you've seen...my feet flipped right out from under me. Knowing I am going to crack down on my back because I couldn't let go of Emmery to catch myself...within a split second I hear a "pop" in my upper back as I hit the steps. It was three steps that hit: my upper back, my middle back, and my tail bone while taking the fall. Immediately I cried out in pain, choking out my scream, my vision blurred and darkened around the edges. I began gasping and moaning...rocking back and forth on the bottom of my laminate floor holding my screaming child so limply. I was scared...no terrified...have I cracked my spine!? Will I forever stay in a wheel chair?...Will I live!? The pain was so emence I couldn't think but only the thought of "CALL SEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I stiffly and ever so slowly scooted on my side butt to my purse. But where was it?! Was my phone even in there?...i think so..and as the tender Lord had bestowed a tender mercy, there it was on the floor no more than a few yards away. Moaning(like a deranged drunk women), trailing my limp legs behind me, while Emmery continues to scream profoundly in my ear...I sluggishly scooted to my purse now but a few feet away. I started to realize things at this point...the fact that I couldn't breath...apparently I had gotten the wind knocked out of me...thats why my chest was hurting too and why I was taking such short breaths. I finally reached my purse: fumbling and feeling for my green phone. I grab ahold of it, thanked God, and quickly flipped in open to find the number 2. Hold. Calling Sean. I am trying not to cry...i want to cry so bad...but it requires moving of the back and ribs which equals harder breathing which equals=PAIN. NO! but I can moan...moaning and listening..watching Emmerys tears spill over all over me as she tries to seek comfort from me. I have to push her away which brings pain in so many meanings and ways while focusing on NOT crying. Sean finally picks up the phone but I cannot hear anything. I scream "SEAN!"....he asks what happened in a panicked voice...all i could manage was "Fell"...F...fff...Fell" "I.....Wha...We...Fff.fff....fell."

After a few short seconds of me tryin to explain the seriousness of the situation we concluded that the Ambulance was needed while Sean sped home to me. He called 911 while I waited in pain. In some gracious moment Emmery was calm and I was able to fake a smile to her and told her everything was going to be alright. I sat there on the floor determining which position could bring LESS pain while trying to distract Emmery with magnets on the fridge. I heard a big diesel engine outside the door and footsteps approaching the front door. In a half second I went from relived...to...panicked...stressed...hopeless...helpless. How could they get inside when the door was locked? "Ashley!", they called out"....can you hear me?...we need to get inside to help you?...where are you?" I was moaning even louder now because I was terrified that I would never be rescued. How could I get to the door when I barely made it to my purse? I called out to them that I couldn't...i was just yards from the door but I couldn't move, it was just too intense. But reality set in and I realized I can't get help unless I move myself back to where I first fell, which was by the door at the bottom of the stairs. A very long and agonizing(b/c the adrenaline was wearing off) scooting process to the door was unimaginable. I finally reached it when I realized how was I to reach up to unlock it? All I know was that "I" "ME" could NOT do it...but I felt some strength come from somewhere. A momentary release(or memory-loss) of pain. I realize now it must have been an angel helping me to reach up and unlock that door.

They, however many there were, came flowing in, hovering, asking questions and checking my vitals and what not. But the unfun part was lying me down onto the flat board stretcher. Gosh awful thing! Then of course the ugly neck brace was to big so a kid one had to do. With all the commotion all I could to do focus on avoiding a panic attack was to close my eyes. That had seemed to help best. Eventually I heard someone verify the name "Sean Fleming, and your her husband?" Apparently ,while I was on the floor in pain, my daughter freaked out and one of the kind paramedic held her until my husband could arrive to hold her. I couldn't see anything but ceiling in the neck brace so I had to just concentrate on listening to their conversation. Asking questions about O.D-ing (overdosing on something?) and asking about my pills and what not.

I began to shake so they coverd me with a blanket and hoisted me out into the cold breezing air. It is so weird being carried around flat on your back, being moved this way and that way, moving up and down. If I had to guess what floating felt like I would think it to be close. It kinda makes you dizzy...but then of course that could have been caused from my fall. But Idon't remember hitting my head...and i couldn't feel any pain coming from there. However, through all this commotion and hurt there was one nice thing about the ambulance ride, I had a hot guy attend to me. Sean stayed behind with Emmery to pack the bags and speak with the paramedics. So riding alone was scary but it soon became okay with him in there. He was a very nice distraction from all the pain and confusion. So on the ride I moaned and groaned through my sentences, asking him questions(trying to distract myself) like: what is your name? what time did you come into work? and what were you doing before "me" happened?...I was so delusional from all the pain I even remember telling him..."there is one lucky thing about me today..." and he asked "whats that?"....i said " because you're helping me....you're kinda cute". I continued to tell him this wasn't my first time in an ambulance(which i wont go into that event) and that last time all I could remember were a bunch of old guys. Just in case you were wondering: A- I wasn't flirting with him, B-his name was Travis, C-he came into work at 7(i think), and D-they were having coffee and breakfast before me.

Poor fella, he tried so hard to help me....diggin the morphine needle into my hand vein 2 or 3 times then failed and moved on to my arm. Again, trying 2 times and couldn't find my artery. He told me he was sorry that he couldn't give me morphine on the way but that my arteries were to small to handle in a moving vehicle. The pain from the needles was great...I thought about that pain instead of the pulsing in my entire back. I even told him Thank you. I always appreciate ppl who try to do their best at there job, especially when it comes to helping ppl. When I was in labor and gave birth in the hospital...every person that helped me I told them thank you for helping me and that I appreciated them. Because really I could NEVER do what they do. I give them props

Travis carted me out of the vehicle and I could feel the cold tiny drops of water on my face as he wheeled me in from out of the cold rainy day. I remember feeling the warmth of the hospital air, Banner Gateway to be exact, as I awaited admission. They put me into a closed room with a big sliding door. Travis sat down beside me and filled out paperwork while two nurses checked my vitals. This ER wasn't anything like the Baywood ER...this one was secret and quiet and comfortable...besides the fact that I kept complaining about the back of my head burning. When you are strapped down tight to a board, after a while it begins to take its toll on your body. I wasn't placed behind a curtain...oh no, I was placed in a room....A Room! Well Sean and Emm finally arrived and so Travis stepped out for a minute. This would be the first time I've seen Sean all day and the first time we embraced. What was funny....sean looked behind him and then back at me and said "he was a cute paramedic." I replied " I know already, I told him that." We both kinda laughed...sean and I are secure enough that we talk openly about things like that. Isn't that funny? I guess thats why I had more guy friends than girl friends in my days.

The short breaths and moaning started to irritate me. I wanted to be relieved by now. Give me Morphine! i thought. Take this blasted head piece off my head. I just couldn't get comfortable on that board...legs ups...legs down...it didn;t matter...Pain, pain, pain. The nurse told me I really needed to try to take longer breaths to avoid hyperventilating. So I sincerely tried but it was so bad. But finally after a 1/2 hour wait they transferred me onto a bed. I think you can already guess that the transfer was NOT fun. But I was thankful to get all the attachments OFF and in to a comfortable bed. I was then wheeled into a large room with another big sliding glass door and curtain. It came with one light above my head to blind me and a flat screen TV in the corner. The TV was great, the light was not. But all in all, I really enjoyed having my own room...VS~curtain walls. It really helped me with my anxiety to not have to hear everybody elses complaints and moans and unwanted noises.

The morphine shot into my hip was GREAT! I started to feel the meaning of the phrase..."all warm and fuzzy inside." I could still feel the pain but didn't care enough about it to keep going the way I was going. My breathing slowed, my thoughts were dreamy and incoherent, vision a little crossed...but hey I was on cloud 9 after what I'd been through.

Oh but then in was time to check for pregnancy. Now, having a back injury there is just no way around the pain nor getting up, your back is central to everything...so...what does that mean...well that means I couldn't get up to pee. You get the idea. No catheter.

***Well there is a first time for everything.***

I guess thats something I can check off a list somewhere.

Then the fun part came...X-Rays! Lets just say: half naked, pain, switched beds, pain, sat up, pain, movement of arms, pain...etc...etc...etc. But they were nice girls and gentle to me...and I did appreciate that.

I am so thankful to Nancy, MIL, for taking off work so that she could come down and take Emmery home for a nap.

The hospital stay was drawing to a close and the doctor came in to tell me that the x-rays showed everything was normal. I did have some degeneration(i think she called it) of my spine in one area but that it was normal for a fall like mine and that it should heal ina bout two weeks. I have internal bleeding from popped veins...so of course I am internally bruised is all that means. I have to ice every 2 hrs for 20 min. then in two days switch to heat. I can't push, pull, or pick up anything. I can't bend hardly...i keep my body straight or perpendicular at all times. Oh and I have constant pain from any movement so they gave me Percocit...which sad to say doesn't give me the FULL effect of the 'warm and fuzzies'. :-( but it'll have to do.

All in all I am so thankful to the Lord that I didn't break anything nor do I show to have any future damage from this fall. Isn't that great news! I already have Sean with back problems...i don't need a whole family with back problems. I am thankful to my mother who so kindly came over today to help me...more like do EVERYTHING for me. I just wonder how I am going to do tomorrow. Oh dear...i'll have to call someone over or something. There ain't no way I can take Emmery out of her crib.